What?
In this economy?
Have you lost all sense of reason?
Well it was sort of forced upon me (funding), but I could have argued about it a little. It was in the weeks that followed where I had one of those epiphanies. You see, I had always been something of a minor writer. I had some screed published back in the early 90s while in college. It wasn't anything spectacular, just a short story. It wasn't even in anything noticeable, a defunct literary magazine out of New Orleans or Mobile. But it did buy some beer, and who can argue with that kind of success? I now had an opportunity dropped into my lap by the Almighty to do what I had originally intended to do all along. Write.
In the months sans-traditional work my wife and I decided I should have some company, and it came in the form of our twelve year old son, Bailey. So I joined the masses of homeschooling parents. I found it to be strange that I was the one doing it, because, well because I'm the dad. Aren't moms the one who do all the homeschooling/government is destroying my child/paranoid exercises? As it turns out, that is the correct assumption. So we went with a curriculum and hit the ground running. Now this "Why" (and what has turned into a brief "How") did not find me unprepared. This begs for a timeline of skills and experiences, so here it is:
1. Military: In my younger days I was somewhat on edge and so I joined up. Went away, and then came back. That simple.
2. Police: Yes, I am not just a man, I was "The Man". I worked the street as a patrol officer, shaking doors and answering calls. On occasion I pulled over a car and wrote tickets. For several years I worked on a narcotics task force, and was on a tactical team. I learned to shoot and fight in a controlled setting, and then did it for real at 3:00 a.m. I also became an investigator focusing on sex crimes and crimes against children. In total, about 15 years of my life spent dealing with all the bad stuff that happens. Between the military and policing it made about 20 years.
3. University educated (and a teacher!): True, very true. I did obtain a liberal arts degree, and a teaching certification for English (lil' childrens and high school). I taught for a little while, and cut backs ended it. So I do know a thing or two (possibly three) about teaching a "tween" and smart ass teen agers.
So now we sit. He does a few lessons, and assessments, writes, and then when he finishes with his "cipherin' and figurin'" we go for walks. He, being Bailey. I have an office downstairs and he does venture into it while I am writing. Sometimes he offers pointed observations about what I'm working on (he insists the "Damn Truckers" needs to be made into a comic book and then a movie). He isn't so interested in the literary or southern fiction. Not his cup of tea? Pepsi.
A few weeks ago Bailey came up with what I consider a brilliant plan. We can hike the Appalachian Trail.
"We start here in Georgia, and then make it all the way to Maine. Some mountain up there."
Are you kidding me??? I've been wanting to do that since...since...Hell yes! Let's do it!
This brings me to the "Why".
I hate to break it to everybody, but you will die. One day your heart muscles will fail to contract, and the nerve endings will stop firing to make those involuntary contractions. Your lungs will also give up on the whole inhale exhale thing (it does get boring after a while). After that you will cease to be part of this mortal realm. I will not go into the philosophical and theological, but you, me, Bailey, my wife, my dogs, everybody, will die. When you die I am not sure if that cliche about your life flashing before your eyes is true, but just in case wouldn't you rather have something decent to watch? Instead of paying bills, worrying about money, looking for the damned remote in the sofa cushions, eating a box of Little Debbie snack cakes, and all the meaningless crap that makes up humanity, wouldn't you prefer to see flashes of memories that matter?
The YOLO thing has run its course and become anathema. But its sentiment is almost correct. If you have kids, and you are a dad, figure out a way. It may not be for every dad out there, but you could probably come up with a plan to implement something meaningful. Why?
1. It's effin' dangerous to be a boy today: A review of some statistical data (I know, I took it in college too, but sometimes they get it right. Just watch the news) shows how fathers not involved in their kid's life end up creating way more problems than those who are. The CDC conducted a study and found boys to be more at risk than girls. They become violent, susceptible to multiple health risks, suicide, and psychological issues. The bottom line is fathers are not being dads. Some are, but think about it for a minute. If you are a father what kind of interaction do you have with your kids? When I was a police I worked nights. I loathed the day shift. I woke up when my wife and son came home, ate, and then S-3 (shit, shower, shave). After that it was off to see all the strangers that called 911. I didn't help with homework, and I was off two weekends a month. Plenty of time for family days? Sure. But did I do it? Nope. I was wiped out after dealing with drug addicts, drunken domestics, and whatever else was thrown at me. I changed careers, but found myself getting wrapped up in that as well. Other people's children were a priority as well. I'm a type-A personality, so I tried to juggle it. It did not work out well. If you find it is not working out well for you, don't feel guilty (maybe just a little), start coming up with a plan. If you like what you are doing to make money, and that is all it is, get a calendar and start penciling in those hours and days you will spend connecting with your offspring and family. If you like what you are doing to make money, and it is how you identify yourself as a man, get a journal and do some soul searching, because you probably suck as a father. I did.
2. Your daughter got a tattoo and is going to be a stripper: Positive family experiences have long term effects. If you show your kids how a man is supposed to act they will expect all men to behave that way. If you are raising a son, he will emulate you. If you are raising a daughter (sorry, don't have one, and I would be worried if I did) she will more than likely demand the males she comes in contact with to behave like you. Let's hope you are behaving appropriately. If you are, she won't bring home some d-bag who has to meet with a probation officer every Wednesday to pee in a cup. She will probably go to college, have a great deal of success, and live at a higher standard. Your son will learn to follow in your footsteps, have academic success, and have a higher standard of living. You get grand-children to buy presents for, and people that actually care when those nerves stop firing and your heart ceases to work.
3. Socks with sandals? It's o.k. But maybe we should yearn for something more: It's easy to get caught up in the event. The event being life. You made it out of school, then got a job. Your under the assumption that you should stick with it, no matter what (401K, benefit packages, vacations, and retirement, just like your parents did). But let's be honest. Does it matter? Does it make any sense? Is it even feasible? That all demands on your situation, but let me throw some things out there. This is specifically for the Generation-X people (My people, oh how I love our 80s movies, and Molly Ringwald). Gone are the days of stagnant lifestyles. Technology, work innovations, and the world in general have created a connected society. Most of it without borders or gate keepers. When I went into the military they gave me a top secret clearance. I have no idea what that entailed, but it was a package deal. I took some tests and went to some briefings, and BAM! Top Secret! When I became a police I took a test, a physical, went to the academy, and BAM! Gun? Check. Badge? Check. Cuffs? Got 'em. Get a pen, you're going to have to write. Got it. Now go out there and lock some asses up. Will do. What about all the other cool jobs, or as I look at them now Finance Options? Here is a little perspective:
Hugh Howey: He wrote a couple of books. Wool being the most popular. He didn't go the traditional route. He published his stuff himself, as an e-book. It became popular. So popular a traditional publishing company offered him a sweet deal, which he turned down and gave a counter offer for less money but fewer publishing rights (print only, I think). He turned around and sold the idea of Wool to a movie studio, which bought it. He's rich, and he got that way because of his ideas. His earlier incarnation found him repairing computers and working as a yacht captain. Wait a minute? This guy doesn't have any formal literary training! No MFA from Iowa or a prestigious university. How did that happen? J.A. Konrath pulled it off too. If you are like me, and fancy yourself a writer of sorts, these two guys are not the only ones (in fact my research found it is mostly the ladies that pull it off with greater success). Many, many, many people (some are dads) are doing it. Not everybody is raking in million dollar deals and have Ridley Scott putting together a production of their work, but more than enough are making decent money.
I have a friend, former police, that left the department after I did. He makes a living as an artist. He owns a gallery (that's not his gallery in the link), and he hocks his wares. He is living his dream. He's a dad, and spends a great deal of time with his kid (who is approaching full grown now). I don't think he regrets dropping out of the traditional money input method.
If you are the creative sort, and are looking for inspiration in order to drop out and begin doing what you were born to do Brain Pickings has numerous ideas. Rather than list each and every idea a guy could have about what to do so they could live their lives in relative comfort and still have a sense a purpose let me say this: You do have value. As a man you matter. Now figure out how to make it happen.
You will probably fail, at first. Later on you will garner some success. You might not become a household name, but the only household that matters is not outside your own. So learn to deal with a degree of anonymity. There are numerous benefits to being relatively obscure (you can get away when you want being the chief of them).
The bottom line (isn't that what all men look for?): You are not made by money. You are made by certain types of successes. A good example? Kevin Federline. Look it up. Need another? Woody Allen. When was the last time you heard Federline rap? Did you see the last Woody Allen movie? Exactly. Think Bill Cosby vs. Jay Z. Or Jim Caviezel/ Liam Neeson/ anybody other than a drunk vs. whoever is going to play Batman again. Being a good guy pays off in the end. Jay Z won't be able to live up to the hype in 2025, and Woody Allen will die a pedophile without any offspring crying over him. Pick your measure of success carefully, and don't look at anything on TLC as being remotely real. Real men pick their kids up from school and go places with them. Consider Jason Patric and his plight. (Another 80s icon? I know.)
And you and I have our kids in the same building. Put things in perspective. Now. Before it is too late. And it will be too late, one of these days.
Pax.
No comments:
Post a Comment